I was going through a stack of random papers yesterday and found some notes from back when I was pregnant. I was pretty freaked out about it (*) and at one point asked the nurse at the Ob/Gyn office for some recommendations for psychologists/psychiatrists. Never got around to calling either of them, but their names were in the notes I found.
News flash (or not): I may be - all right, probably am - slightly depressed. DH probably is as well. Not the "can't get out of bed, sleep all day, cry all the time" depressed. Just a general disinterested, blah, gloomy, inert, Eeyore-like mood. Although the crying spells have tapered off in the past year, but that may just be because I'm too tired to care.
I see ads in magazines and on TV occasionally. "If you think you suffer from depression, get help." is the basic message. Usually the "help" involves whatever new med they're pushing, but still.
It's not that easy, though. It's not like I can just dial 911, or 411, and "get help" magically. I wish I could. Instead, it's a never-ending series of decisions. How do you pick a mental health professional? Pick a random name from the the 30+ listed in the yellow pages? Psychiatrist, psychologist, social worker, or something else? Medication, talk, cognitive behavioral? Do I use someone approved by our medical insurance, or go the cash route so we don't get dinged for it later somehow? (And how much will this hurt my rates if I try to get my life insurance adjusted, in the unlikely event that I lose 30 pounds?)
Have I mentioned that I stink at decisions?
Then there's the whole scheduling issue. Because I doubt that most doctors (of any kind) also have on-site child care, you know? DH can't really come home and take care of him every time I need to go somewhere. And we don't have any sort of babysitting arrangement at all, other than an occasional day with the grandparents. I'm not ready to tell my in-laws that I need them to keep the boy X days a week/month because I'm mentally messed up.
And now El Burrito is awake and needing a drink of water, so any more deep thinking will have to wait. With any luck, I'll still remember what I was pondering on, next time I have the brain power to ponder some more.
* I think I was hyperventilating while reading What to Expect when You're Expecting at one point, but then that's a scare-you-to-death kind of book.
1 comment:
I know depression and the inability to make decisions can be part of the package. I also find it difficult to think things through. But a good thing to remember is "Worrying is not the same as doing". Start with your primary physician. Sometimes, a little medication is enough to help you get through it. You can decide on counseling later. One step at a time.
Post a Comment