Monday, October 1, 2007

Rotten news

And now for the bad-news part of the day. Because there had to be some, you know?

We've got two family reunions this weekend - DH's mom's family on Saturday, my dad's family on Sunday. Which sounds hectic but fun. Not so much with the fun, now. My mom called this morning, with some news about one of my uncles - Dad's 2nd-oldest sister's husband, to be precise, so not a blood relative, but still. They live about a mile from Mom & Dad; moved down from St. Louis a few years ago after they retired. He was having some problems with his shoulder and went to the doctor a few weeks ago. Assorted tests, and so on and so forth, discussions about hospitals and second opinions. They found a mass in his lung (not overly surprising - he smoked cigars for decades). Then a related mass in his shoulder, hence the pain. Then nodules in his stomach and something, I don't recall the word, in some lymph nodes. Not great news, but not horrendous.

They did an MRI last week, and scheduled a bone biopsy for today (to give the Coumadin time to clear his system). Mom got a call from my cousin (Uncle's daughter) this morning. The bone biopsy is cancelled, because they got the results from the MRI. The cancer's in his brain, too. The doctors are giving Uncle 1 to 3 months. Which means that unless things go very very well, better than expected, we're looking at a funeral before New Year's.

This sucks, people. Really, really sucks. Mom's second sister was diagnosed with breast cancer this summer (her second sister to have it), Dad's oldest sister had surgery late this summer for a large mass in her abdomen and is having chemo now, and then this. Just in time for the reunion. Which, granted, it'll be good for everyone to get together for a good (kinda) reason, but it's going to put a big damper on things.

What the bloody hell do you say to someone on Sunday, when he's just found out on Monday that he probably won't see Christmas, possibly not Thanksgiving or even Halloween? I suck at this sort of thing to begin with, but it's worse with family. "Hi, how are you" seems pretty clueless. Saying goodbye when we leave will be even more awkward. "See you later" or "Have a good week" or any variation of that is just an idiotic thing to say in this situation.

1 comment:

Jen said...

You just listen, and do the stuff you normally would do if you didn't know what was happening. And if you mean it, you say that you heard the news and if there's anything you can do to help, please let you know.

Then maybe when you've got time, you sit down and write a note saying thank you for being a good part of the family, or sharing a funny memory you've got of them and how you treasure it. Say you're thinking of them... because you are, you know. It's enough to let them know you care, and you appreciate them, and that's it.

Don't say you're sorry - I'm sure they are even more so. Don't say you'll miss them. They aren't gone yet. Don't say it's too bad - that's a reality they know all too well. Just listen and be there.